#47 finding new uses for my stomach

just six months ago, i was only able to use my stomach as a washboard*. now i've discovered myriad new uses for this sucker. here's a top five:


1. arm rest. to be specific, an arm rest for myself, not others. seriously, where did i previously rest my arms? i think my lap, but if i try to do that now, my hands disappear and it looks like i'm a toddler who has to pee.
2. pillow. to be specific, a pillow for buster. this tends to make eiley move a lot. i can't decide if she's trying to hug her puppy back or if she's kicking him off of her or if she just happens to feel like doing some gymnastics every time buster hangs out here. i'll ask her whenever i get a chance and she's less fetusy.

3. hand magnet. okay, this hasn't been nearly as bad as i've read it can be. so far i have only had one stranger touch my belly. i thought i'd be totally okay with it because i'm absolutely fine with people i know touching it, but really, it was weird. in the future, i will touch the stranger's stomach in return and tentatively ask what we're doing.

4. table. very handy.

5. rationalizer. angry prospective student in the admissions office? send me in! who's going to yell at a pregnant chick? (okay, i actually have an answer for that rhetorical. he was a pastor named chuck, and he yelled at me for asking him to complete a one page form. that was, however, three months ago - my stomach was not up to its full hypnotic power yet.) for the most part, people try to be nice to me when we're face to stomach face, so they actually think rationally before they speak. amazing.

*that was a joke. i have never had washboard abs. i will never have washboard abs. i kind of think washboard abs look creepy on most women.