rerun #1 panic attack in a kayak

For our second anniversary, Jeff and I were in Naples, Florida visiting his Aunt Rose Mary and generally just hanging out. We thought it would be romantic to take a peaceful kayak ride through the mangroves in Clam Bay. It was a hot day, so a water sport would be the perfect solution. Plus, we were able to rent the kayak for free through Rose Mary's membership at Pelican Bay, a chichi community in Naples.


We hopped in the kayak and pushed off. It was slow-going, hot, and sticky, but still rather peaceful. We went north first and found a lot of open water, which was easy to navigate but provided no shade from the hot sun and wasn't terribly interesting, so we headed back to the dock and grabbed our camera that we'd left there. While we were on land, I noticed a horrible, black, spider-like creature quickly creeping on the side of the dock. It stayed a safe distance away though, so I commented on it and moved on. Heart rate: Normal.


We pushed off again, this time headed south into the mangroves. Again, it was totally peaceful. I kind of felt like we were in Brazil or Costa Rica or the Jungle Cruise. It was cooler in the shade, and I was relaxed. I paused for a while and Jeff took over the rowing and steering.


Side note: It's really not the best idea to wholly give steering over to the person in the back of the boat who can't totally see what's going on. What happened next was not Jeff's fault.


I looked up and noticed that we were headed straight toward an overhanging branch. This concerned me. Then I saw one of those aforementioned horrible, black, spider-like creatures scurrying down said branch, obviously preparing himself for a direct hit to my face if we kept going the same direction. Heart rate: So not normal. I started screaming, thrashing my oar in the water, at the branch, at the kayak, at myself, at Jeff. Still screaming, I seriously weighed my options - should I let this thing eat my face off or should I jump in the water and let an alligator eat my legs off? More screaming, more thrashing, a tilt of the kayak, and then we were out of harm's way, face and legs still intact.


Some observations:
1. I wish someone had filmed me. I would have been a youtube sensation.
2. I was holding our digital camera the whole time and dunked it in the water in the midst of my panic attack. Jeff had that camera for four years, and I killed it. I blame the eight-legged monster.
3. It took me approximately 30 minutes to come down from that. There were tears, shaking, and a smidge of hyperventilating. Good workout.
4. This turned out to be one of the least romantic things we did that whole weekend. And that includes the few hours we spent watching reruns of Hannah Montana.
5. Turns out it was a harmless crab.

Does this look remotely harmless to you?!
Photo credit: www.greennature.com

In conclusion, I think Panic Attack in Kayak would make a great band name. You are welcome to use it.