#14 going to busch gardens

i went to busch gardens for the first time on saturday with jeff, arabella, and shep (and other fun friends for parts of the day). here are some highlights, many of which were firsts: 
  • griffon: this is one of only two floorless diving machines in the united states and one of only six in the world. (i am not a roller coaster junkie, i just appreciate good trivia.) a diving machine is characterized by wide rows - the griffon has three rows of ten - and a vertical drop. it amazes me that these rides don't scare me at all (they tend to make me giggle uncontrollably), but you put me a few feet away from a strange man with a white face, painted smile, and oversized shoes and i freak out. 
  • a bunch of other rides: none were quite as notable as griffon, though i do recommend alpengeist, which made me feel like i could fly and made shep feel like he was in a fighter jet. he even made sound effects. 
  • celtic fyre: this show was like west side mamma mia story in ireland. it was a wedding reception in an irish pub, and then some american tap dancers showed up and they had a tap vs. irish dance battle. weird. but there were some good moments, and we had a snack break and air conditioning, so it was good.
  • oktoberfest: we watched part of this show while we were eating our ridiculously overpriced lunch. i think i should have been german - i could totally tear up their dance floor. oy oy oy!
  • more...pet shenanigans: well, we didn't make it to this show. but i'm certain it would have been a favorite and i am still bitter that we didn't see it. next time. next. time.
  • sheep: there were sheep, and i heard one baa. i'm not sure i'd ever heard a sheep so distinctly say 'baa' before. thrilling. it was like 'babe: live' without the talking pig. 
  • beer: i had one sip. i had never done that at an amusement park before. i do not understand the mix of alcohol and rides. it sounds pretty awful to me. 
  • swings: this was neither new nor notable, but it was one of the only pictures we took. jeff is behind the camera, obviously. 

end scene.

soon: skateboarding and grape stomping and lying! 


#13 becoming an expert on an obscure historical event

war of the roses was interesting, and i started to learn about that. but then someone informed me that was not, in fact, obscure. so i decided to go with the invention of the zipper. many people know what a zipper is - i might even venture that most know what a zipper is - but few know its elusive history. without further delay, i present "The Creation of the Zipper," or "Why Elias Howe Was Kicking Himself From the Grave in 1917."

elias howe in 1851:
i. love. clothes. i love designing, sewing, and coming up with new ways to design and sew. i've been working most of my life as a mechanic, fixing machines that make wool and yarn and other such things, so i'm thinking i'd like to combine my passions of clothes and machinery and create a machine that helps with sewing. also in development are new types of clothes latches. i recently created one such latch, which i've patented as "an automatic, continuous clothing closure." it still has some snags, but i'm just too busy working on my machine for sewing to perfect it.

whitcomb judson in 1893: 
i have a pal who has a stiff back. poor fellow can't even bend over to lace up his boot. so last week he looks over at me all sad and in pain; he looks and me and says "judson, you claim to be an inventor, invent me up some laceless boots!" knowing that to be utterly impossible, i quickly created the clasp locker. the clasp locker basically is a device that makes hook and eye closures easier to connect. i am awesome.

gideon sundback in 1913:
i work at universal fastening company, the company that manufactured the clasp locker back in the day. i needed a bonus so my wife and i could throw a party to celebrate the passing of the seventeen amendment, so i invented a separable fastener. unfortunately the patent wasn't issued until 1917, so we ended up having a party to celebrate woodrow wilson beginning his second term as our president. 

b.f. goodrich in 1925:
i make boots. good, sturdy boots. and i'm always looking for ways to make them more modern. i'm a forward thinking man, you know. so i incorporated sundback's separable fastener into the design of my boot. they look great! i always tell the boys "zip 'er up!" when they're showing the new style to the crowds. 

bam. zipper'd. 

end scene.

tomorrow: learning to skateboard.


#12 getting congratulated for being pregnant

this wasn't a new thing that i brought upon myself. at least i don't think i did. i really don't think my shirt was that unflattering. i mean, pregnant women are beautiful (hi, erica!), but it's not fun to be called pregnant when you're not pregnant, especially when you love snacking as much as i do.

anyway, the conversation went like this:
"congratulations!" - unnamed person who was smiling so squintily that i wasn't entirely sure she was looking at me
"umm..." (look behind myself and no one is there.) "me?" - me, giving her chance #1 to realize that i don't know what she means and that if i was pregnant, i probably would know what she meant
"yes, you! congratulations!" - unnamed person, still confidently smiling
"umm...thanks. for what?" - me, giving her chance #2 to back out
"your pregnancy! aren't you pregnant?" - unnamed person, still confidently smiling
(i hide behind jeff.) 
"i'm never wearing this shirt again!" - me, slightly mortified

i realize i could have lived up to my middle name and handled that about 1000 times more gracefully since she was probably just mixing me up with erica, the wife of an actor slightly similar to jeff in the program, and she was just being nice. but my kneejerk reaction was hiding. i really am 12 sometimes.