#38 wearing a snuggie at work

reason number 23978 that virginia is not my favorite place: it is cold. okay, i realize that there are colder places one could live, and i also realize that i could learn to bundle up a whole lot better, and i also realize there are starving kids in africa, but i am a spoiled southern california girl in a foreign land. yesterday, it was 54 degrees here and i was filled with inordinate amounts of joy. i thought the winter was over! spring had sprung early! i could stop taking the vitamin d pills the doctor prescribed and start laying out in the sun any day now! buster and i took a leisurely walk at the park, where birds tweeted, the sun glimmered on the lake, and other cliche idyllic things happened. ah, yesterday! 

today it is 38 degrees with a wind chill factor that makes it feel like 25 degrees.


i've found that even if i wear a sweater and pants and leggings under my pants to work, i am still cold. always cold. so very cold. i end up working in my coat, which is kind of stiff and not really made for hours at a desk. i complained about this one day a few weeks ago, and one of my coworkers said she had an extra snuggie that i could use. two days later she brought it to me, and voila! 


it's a blanket with sleeves!

here i am, pretending to work. i highly recommend this (i mean wearing a snuggie at work, not pretending to work). i feel simultaneously warmer and...cooler. the valid excuse to wear a snuggie at work makes the cold much more bearable. that's a half point for virginia. way to go, you lame, lame state.

(photo credit: courtney cameron, who lives on the other side of my cubicle.)
(snuggie credit: megan comer, who lives on the other other side of my cubicle.)

guest post #4 going on a spur-of-the-moment vacation

and now, a post from erin matzen, my coworker and friend. check out her blog, which is tracking her weight loss journey, here: lbsdroppin.blogspot.com

I thought I was going to have a quiet Christmas this year...and I was wrong.  In late November, I called my mom to talk about holiday plans. We figured out we wouldn't get to spend Christmas together for various reasons, so she asked me if I wanted to use her hotel points since she had enough for a free room.  I gave her a cheerful “Maybe!” but I knew I really wouldn’t use them.  Joe and I had just gone on a honeymoon four months earlier…we didn’t need to go anywhere!  

Well, not three days later, I got an email from my cousin who had two flight vouchers that had to be used by 12/31/10. She didn’t have time to go anywhere and didn’t really have the money for lodging once she got somewhere, so she asked me if I wanted to buy them for $175. Total. For both. I flipped – of course I did! After a discussion with the husband, we decided to leap at the opportunity. We decided on a trip to the West Coast - Las Vegas and Phoenix, here we COME! Here are some highlights from an amazing, packed trip:

First, we flew into Vegas and used my mom’s hotel points to spend a free night in a moderately sketchy hotel several blocks off of the strip. After darting in the hotel sans our luggage because of a scary vagrant lingering near our car (what’s up, sketchy guy), we crashed into our moderately comfortable room. We woke up early the next day – my husband had planned a very intensive itinerary for us – and drove to the Hoover Dam. We took the “Dam Tour,” where we went into what used to be tunnels to re-direct the Colorado River, learned about how the dam was built, went into the room that housed the generators, and walked across the dam from Nevada into New Mexico and back.  All in all, we crossed the MST/PST time zone line about six times. At one point, I was standing in Arizona and the husband was in Nevada.  

After this adventure, we drove to the Valley of Fire. We drove across the flat desert, and then out of nowhere these giant rock formations appeared and it really did look like fire compared to everything else. I have never seen anything quite this color, and the photographs do nothing to capture how vivid these rocks are. We saw petrified logs and I climbed one of the “beehive” formations, further proving I am going to be a bad example to my children because four little boys followed me up there, much to their parents chagrin. Sorry, parents. We stayed until sunset and it was gorgeous seeing the sunset on the desert and behind monolithic rock formations. The coolest part was seeing the petroglyphs, which are ancient Indian drawing in the rocks. The entire trip I was silently praising the Lord – it’s amazing what He has created for us to enjoy.

After this excursion, we began the long drive to Phoenix.  For some reason, we decided not to go back into Vegas and stopped for gas on the outskirts.  We tried to find somewhere to eat.  The only place for miles and miles was the Hacienda casino, right across from the gas station.  We figured “might as well” and went in, ate a buffet, and blew some money gambling.  We then continued the long long long  boring drive through the desert in the pitch black night.  At 9 pm, Pacific time, we were sitting in an In-n-Out Burger (my first In-n-Out, and it met ALL expectations!) and I said “HAPPY NEW YEAR!  It’s 2011 in Virginia." I continued this for the next three hours until it was 2011 in all four time zones.  Yep, I’m a dork.

When we drove into Phoenix, I thought the city was burning down. Seriously. Turns out, Phnx has “the brown cloud,” a giant smog problem. I am so glad the east coast doesn’t have smog.  We went to a football game, which was a lot of fun even though I have no affiliation to either team. We went to the pre-game party and were given so many free bags of the new Artisan Tostitos I could’ve opened up a store. Instead I ate them and felt horribly sick afterwards. 

Day three, we drove to the Grand Canyon, which was breath-taking. Again, continual praises to God for this creation.   We drove along the canyon rim, stopped at each lookout point, and took ridiculous amounts of pictures.  It wasn’t quite what I expected, but it was so massive and impressive. Also, I wasn’t expecting snow. The snow made everything so peaceful and majestic; however, I had flimsy shoes and no socks.  Not a good combination, but I survived.

After this amazing experience, we trudged back to Vegas. We got into the city around 9:30, cruised the strip people watching for a moment, and then arrived at the Mirage, where we were staying. We parked in time to see the volcano erupt…COOL!  When we got back to the hotel we were exhausted. We set the alarm for 2 am – Vegas never sleeps and we figured we’d explore the casino downstairs then. Negative, my friend. The alarm went off, we hit the OFF button, and slept until 9:30 am. We went to the breakfast buffet at the Flamingo and sat next to a window where cool water fowl and giant koi swim in a moat surrounding the actual flamingo habitat.  Then we headed back to the Mirage and went to Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden and see dolphins, lions, tigers, and a panther! Joe played in a poker tournament and I wandered around the slot machines. We bet money on the Virginia Tech game, went to the buffet at the Bellagio (aMAZing) and went back to the room to watch the Orange Bowl to see our team get smashed. Then we spent several more hours downstairs feeding the slot machine our money. Overall our time in Vegas was pretty lame because we were so tired from our other adventures. We plan to go back to Vegas and do it “right” next year.  Haha!

So, very long story short, I love the desert. And I love the western part of this country. My trip was fun and I wish more people will sell me ridiculously cheap tickets to go somewhere I’ve never been before and write about it. Maybe I need to write a letter to the Travel Channel……..

#37 hibachi!

last night i went to hibachi for the first time. the occasions were plentiful: arabella's little brother was in town, shep's pals were in town, chadley was hungry, and shep and arab wanted to celebrate squirmy mcgee (our fetus). we ended up at wasabi, a hibachi grill in norfolk. from the outside, it looked like one of those shady restaurants that i tend to always suspect are fronts for drug circles or brothels, but once inside, it was more spacious and classy than i'd have imagined. (i am still 98% certain that this discount bread shop by our apartment is drug central though - i mean, the place has a huge property, is open approximately 40 hours a week, employs at least three ladies for those whole 40 hours, and sells $1 bread. it just doesn't add up.)


since we had a group of eight, we had our own table/grill, which was nice because then we wouldn't have to stare across the table/grill at strangers. except our table/grill was facing another table/grill, and at one point i looked up and felt like we should perform something for the audience over there. we didn't. 


the waitress came and i ordered the teriyaki chicken. then she brought onion soup, which was just some weird broth, but i liked the shape of the spoon so much that i ate a lot of it. next was a house salad, which had the most amazing dressing on it. i really could have had that to drink. it would have tasted better than the water i had picked. i just hate water.


then the hibachi chef arrived. he flipped his utensils around like nun-chucks, and i was mesmerized. he poured the rice onto the grill and did some fancy egg cracking, and i was in awe. then he lit the whole thing on fire and i was amazed. he also made a little tower out of rings of onions, then made fire spurt out of that and shouted "JAPANESE VOLCANO!"

then he cooked some meat, which is something i could have done myself. not impressive. 


finally, he cooked some shrimp and tossed it into people's mouths. i didn't really want him to toss any at me, and my reasons were threefold: 1. i don't really like shrimp, as you may recall. 2. i've never really been good at catching even smaller things - like m&ms or popcorn - in my mouth, so shrimp seemed impossible. 3. i was a little afraid it would be super hot.


well, chadley caught some, no problem. arabella looked like a little seal catching hers, no problem. so i decided sure, why not? he tossed a shrimp at me and it bounced off the corner of my mouth and splatted on the floor. he tried again and it hit my teeth and plopped on the table. lame. i did not wish to further subject myself to this takahirofoolery (that's tomfoolery with tom replaced by a common male japanese name, in case you're wondering), so the chef moved on. 


in conclusion, the food was delicious (except i wish i'd picked the steak and i still don't like shrimp), the chef was entertaining, and i do not have a future in catching food in my mouth, though i'm not sure that anyone really does. this is a first worth repeating. 

(i don't know why i'm making that face.)

#36 peeing on a stick

i have peed in a forest on a camping trip. i have peed in the ocean, both atlantic and pacific (oh shut up, you have too). i have peed in a cup for a physical for high school sports. but never before had i peed on a stick.


i won't go into what really started this stick adventure (i encourage you to read a biology book or ask your mom about that), but i'll tell you what triggered me wanting to take the test. you may recall my speeding ticket in the beginning of november. if not, here's a refresher: http://fazawesome.blogspot.com/2010/11/34-getting-speeding-ticket.html. my description of my breakdown after getting the ticket was not in any way an exaggeration, and it made me wonder if there were extra hormones going on. seemed the only likely explanation.


the next week, jeff and i were out to dinner with some friends and someone made a joke about me getting pregnant some time. that did it - i wanted to clear my mind and find out for sure. after dinner that night, i went to walgreens and bought a pregnancy test.


when i took the test, this is what came up:

can't tell what the response is? yeah, neither could i. when jeff got home, i rushed him upstairs and showed it to him, and both of us were confused. what did a faint line mean?! we decided not to react until we figured out what it meant.

the next day, i googled "faint pregnancy test line" (i am a brilliant researcher), and discovered that any little hint of a line meant i was pregnant and it's pretty freaking accurate. in conclusion, we're having a baby, due july 9th! (arabella would like to add, "jeff shot, he scored!" which i thought was rather crass and did not see fit to include.) 

and that's the story of the first time i peed on a stick.

the end.

#35 co-cooking a thanksgiving turkey

arabella and i decided we should do a real thanksgiving dinner for all the poor suckers who were stuck in virginia beach for the holiday this year. we sent out a facebook invite, and soon we had a total of 13 people who would attend. we read online that you should buy about a pound of turkey per person in order to have enough to eat plus some leftovers, so we set out the tuesday before thanksgiving to purchase a 13 pounder.


a note: the day before we purchased our turkey, we were told it was too late. this dinner could not be done. we should give up now and buy a pre-cooked bird. but arabella and i wouldn't give up. we would persevere. we. would. be. marthas. (stewart, that is. although the Biblical reference kind of works too.)


so we ended up buying a fresh 16 pounder on tuesday night. we named him reginald. or gerald. i really can't remember which. i offered a brief "nice to meet you" before i stuck my hand up his butt to rip out his innards. his organs were gross and squishy. i didn't think it would bother me, but it really really did. i was also shocked that reginald gerald actually smelled like butt. i mean, i didn't expect him to smell like a flower, but the general putrescence still took me aback. it made me think that the episode of friends where joey and monica have turkeys on their heads was completely unrealistic. disappointing. anyway, i cleaned turkey out in record time simply to end the ickiness. 


the next morning, arabella stuck our hero in a huge bag filled with salt water. this is called brining for you who don't cook (hi, mama). i'm not sure how that went for her, but i imagine it was an amusing scene. 


on thanksgiving morning, jeff and i arrived at arabella and shep's in the wee hours of the morning (8:30 am) to get started. arabella and i hefted reginald gerald out of his bath and cleaned him off. next, we rubbed him down with spices from williams sonoma. reginald gerald started looking kind of smug with all that expensive stuff on him, so we wrapped him, mummy style, in white wine and butter infused cheesecloth. that cheesecloth kept gerald reginald cozy for most of the morning - we just added white wine and butter occasionally to keep him comfortable. 


at 1:30, we took him out and made sure he was hot enough, and discovered that arabella and i are excellent cooks. we'd like to thank all those who made it possible: willams, sonoma, martha, countless internet people who wrote about cooking turkeys, harris, teeter, and, of course, mr. reginald gerald turkey himself. it is for you that we are most thankful.


and now...MARVEL:

guest post #3: driving on the boardwalk at the beach

this guest post is from my favorite sister, jenna! and i stole the photo from another website - please don't sue me, people. also, check out jenna's blog, observations from a wallflower, at jennamissboyd.blogspot.com. 

This Saturday night, I went with Cara, Mikey, and Chase to look at the holiday lights on the Virginia Beach Oceanfront. They actually close down the boardwalk at the beach in order for cars to drive on it, which, I'll admit, is a pretty cool concept. When we got there, we saw signs that read, "Holiday Lights <---," but those just led to empty parking lots and buildings. We used our problem-solving skills and decided to follow the cars in front of us instead. This worked well at first and even got us to the line of cars that was ready to go onto the boardwalk. However, there was a guy who was directing traffic with one of those light sticks and he waved the car in front of us forward, instead of having them turn right as everyone else was doing. He kept waving us in the same direction, so I continued following the car in front of us and this caused us to lose our place in line. We were all pretty saddened by his lack of ability to wave a glow stick, but decided to persevere and return to the line. We waited another 5-10 minutes, I told everyone that I was going to turn right, no matter what direction he waved, and we made it successfully to the ticket booth. Once there, Mikey and Cara pooled their money to give the girl $5 to get onto the boardwalk ($10 cheaper than usual because it's opening weekend). We were handed a coupon book and a CD to listen to during our holiday light experience.

The lights were divided into various themes and the first theme was dinosaurs. I think we came to the consensus that they must have gone to a bargain discount store for them. That was the only way to make sense of a half-mile of dinosaur lights during the holidays. The next theme was sea animals, which made a lot more sense because it's the oceanfront and they like to shamelessly plug the Virginia Beach Aquarium down the street. Then there were random things to represent various holidays such as, Santa stuck in the chimney, maybe a manger scene, and, my personal favorite, the Grim Reaper hanging out the window of a Monster Truck. My favorite quote of the night was Cara saying, "Look! A ladle!" None of us knew why she cared about seeing a large spoon until we saw the "dreidel" and laughed at her.

The last theme was the "12 Days of Christmas," so we turned down the "McDonald's Holiday Lights at the Beach, Presented by nTelos Wireless" CD and sang the song at the top of our lungs as we passed each one. My favorite for that one was "10 Lords-A-Leaping" because they really had 1 Lord-A-Leaping, but they had him hop to 10 different places. I guess they wanted to save on electricity.

Overall, I thought it was pretty cool to drive on the boardwalk and we saw Christmas lights, so there's not much more to ask for.

#34 getting a speeding ticket

today i had to come to new jersey on a recruiting trip for regent university, which is where i work. i wasn't thrilled about the trip in the first place because i don't like leaving my husband, i don't like leaving my buster, and i don't like going places all by myself. despite all that, i decided i would try to make the best of it. i brought fun cds, the rental car was nicer than my car (sorry, attila), and i've always thought of road trips as an excellent excuse to eat lots of snacks.


i was having an okay time for the first hour or so, pumping the never been kissed soundtrack, which is totally my jam and munching on a lovely chocolate chip muffin from wawa. i was being careful not to go too far over the speed limit - in not california, i firmly stay within 10 mph over the speed limit. i drove through a bunch of podunk towns: tomtom wasn't getting a signalsignal (hi, chad!), but i had printed out directions from google, and all was going fine.


i noticed that there was a traffic light coming up at one point, so i slowed a bit. then i noticed a police officer step into the road wearing a reflector jacket and holding a stop sign. he proceeded to stand in front of my lane. i honestly had no idea i was in any kind of trouble. i stopped in front of him and thought he was going to wave me on or something, but then he motioned for me to pull forward and roll down my window. he then informed me that i was going 64 (which i knew) in a 45 zone (which i did not know). i said a very demure "oh, my!" and he asked for my license and registration. he had me pull onto the next street, where he and his partner had cones set up so they could direct suckers like me to wait for their tickets.


things that made me mad:
1. i wasn't asleep at the wheel, people. i was alert. and i saw no 45 mph signs. i'm certain there was one. there must have been one. but i'm guessing there was just one, and i'm thinking about going back and stealing it because it's going to cost me about $175, and i should get something out of the deal.
2. i am on a work trip. i did not choose to drive through that speed trap. i will now basically be working for two and a half days straight without pay, once you deduct that ticket from my expenses.
3. i've never had a ticket before. i've never had a warning before. i would have thoroughly enjoyed some mercy. 
4. the officer took his sweet time writing up the ticket. i seriously thought he forgot about me for a few minutes. rude.
5. virginia. it happened in virginia. freaking virginia.


as the officer handed me my ticket, i was calm, cordial, totally sane. and then, after he walked away, i lost it. it wasn't a dmv-worthy temper tantrum - instead, it was like someone had died. there were many tears, lots of snot, some body-racking sobs - i yelled "why?" at one point and "emily, it's not even a big deal" at several points. i think i was mourning the loss of my perfect record. or i was just super tired. either way, it wasn't pretty. i could not stop weeping, so poor husband had to talk me down over the phone. he's good at that. 


in the end, i pulled myself together and drove the final five hours and made it to new jersey relatively unscathed. of course, i thought of a million things i wish i would have said to the officer as soon as i drove away, namely, "nice costume. are you a crossing guard on the side?" but i guess i'm glad i didn't. the guy was just doing his job.


in related news, the car rental place wrote down my name as "emily sazacherly," so if i had driven off and fled the scene, do you think they would have traced the rental back to me? also, if i had signed "minnie mouse" on the ticket, would i still be responsible for it? these are the things i'll be thinking about tonight, folks.